In My Life

One of my favorite songs of all time is "In My Life," by the Beatles, written by Lennon and McCartney.

Some of the lyrics:

There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

I never thought I would be here at this time in my life alone, widowed and raising two precious girls without their father. At times it is nearly unbearable. I think of the secure childhood I had with a loving father who came home every night, a constant presence. How can it have happened that my girls do not have that? How?!
I think I have scrambled up the mountain only to see a big boulder come rolling toward me and push me back down into the valley of despair and loneliness. What saves me is the knowledge that I am not alone. God grieves for me and hurts with me. I do not believe God causes cancer, and I know that believers die of cancer at the same rate as non-believers. I just didn't think Lucius would ever get sick, let alone die in the prime of his life. Those sorts of things happened to other people. I thought.
When I revisit those early days of the illness discovery, realizing Isabelle was in her first week of kindergarten, it threatens to undo me. But it will not. I will press forward, these girls need me. They hurt now, but will feel their loss more in the years to come: When they began dating, graduate, get married, have children of their own. My hope and prayer for them is that they will always carry the enormous love their Daddy had for them wherever they go. His last words were to ask Isabelle where she was going, just a few days before he died. I don't think he was referring just to her plans for the day.

Peace,
Lisa